Now that we are back and up and running at Caffeine Shark, I found myself at a GNC earlier, looking to see what New drinks I could try. So naturally when I saw a drink called Gorilla Mind with a Swedish fish flavor. I had to sample it.
This was a bad idea.
So before I took a sip of the drink, I had to educate myself about the company. They have a website that essentially looks like somebody trying to cash in on merchandising and lifestyle type crap that has nothing to do with the actual energy drink. They even have a section on the website where people can apply to be an ambassador. I tried to see if they had any history or “about us” sections, but all I found was more evidence that this drink is the result of some social media influencer on the West Coast, trying to dip their hands in the caffeine world cookie jar.
OK, so I had this drink in my cupholder of my car. After I opened it, it took approximately .1 seconds for the aroma to slap my nostrils like Mike Tyson in a punching bag. Good Lord was the smell strong.
So let’s get to the actual drink. I wouldn’t say there was anything necessarily wrong with the flavor unless you count a sour aftertaste that made my cheeks literally tense up As something wrong. It was very sugary. The noises that I was making after each sip sounded like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling at the beginning of Total Recall and the gulping noise Kendall from Succession made after he realized he killed somebody (spoiler I guess).
Now folks I drink a lot of caffeine. Like all the other sharks, I drank so much caffeine that it is essentially accounts for 5% of my chemical makeup. But my god, I am writing this six hours later and my stomach is still upset. It started as a simple feeling of nausea that has been elevated to a feeling of almost like I’m going to vomit and my upper abdomen feeling like it is being squeezed. Here is an actual quote I sent to my significant other after I had this beverage.
“Is it possible for the lining of your stomach to be chemically eroded?”
Now I am a man of fairness so I will give this energy drink it’s one flower. The energy I got was very steady not too much and not that big of a crash. We’ll get some work done and felt a little more reinvigorated after my workday (even though I had to sacrifice my kidney).
My official score is a 2.25 out of 10 just because of the energy it gave me.
